Chapter 233: Poem

On By samanthajillIn Thoughts

Happy Thursday!

Today, I would like to share with you a poem I wrote. I don’t remember the exact date of when I wrote it, but I found it when I was looking at some of my old writing. The title is “My Heart Doesn’t Belong Here”. Let me know what you think of it! Do you like it, and if so why? If you didn’t like it, please let me know why too! 

Hope you have an amazing week! xxoo

“My Heart Doesn’t Belong Here”

My heart doesn’t belong here.
My heart belongs with the birds
As they fly through the clouds.
My heart belongs with the fish
As they swim through the sea.
My heart belongs with the wind
As it blows through the trees.
My heart belongs with the stars
As they appear in the sky.
My heart belongs with the rain
As if feeds the flowers below.
My heart belongs with the butterflies
As they bring beauty to the world.
My heart belongs with the music
That plays throughout the streets.
My heart belongs far away,
Somewhere I’ll never be able to see.

 

 

12 thoughts on “Chapter 233: Poem”

  1. I am going to offer some constructive criticisms, and I am not professional writer, (as some of my writings have shown :P) though I wish to be, so you can take it, or tell me to shove it 😛

    I Love the concept that you have visualized there, but I think to make it a “Wow!” poem, I would consider taking each line, and expanding on it. Show me how the birds swoop through the sky searching for their soulmates. Describe the fish in the sea, meandering around looking for someone to play with. Tell me more about the wind, a gentle breeze, a destructive force?
    But that is just my meek opinion on the matter. 🙂

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    1. Thank you for your comment/constructive criticism! I love getting feedback, and I’d would never tell you to shove it 😛

      I love those ideas, and I’m actually tempted to re-write the poem, adding to the orignal ideas and making it more “Wow!” as you said. I also looked up the original date for when I wrote it, and it turns out it was almost 2 years ago! So I think my writing skills have increased and developed since then. But thank you for your comments, I really appreciate them 😀 xxoo

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      1. hahaha. You can tell me to shove it, I won’t take offense, i promise ! 😀
        Lovely thing about skills, is they do develop over time. I also find that with writing, whether its practiced or not, also evolves and develops as we learn and grown and experience more
        Look forward to seeing the “new and improved” version! 😀

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      2. Haha I won’t tell you to shove it, because you offered me great feedback!

        And I love looking at old writing, and comparing it to my writing presently. While some of my skills stayed the same (I have a weakness for repeating character names), I’ve improved a lot over the past few years. I don’t know if I’ll share the “new and improved” version yet, but hopefully I’ll complete it soon! xxoo

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  2. That’s beautiful 🙂 I agree with the above commenter, if you’re looking to grasp that “Wow!” reaction. But I like the peacefulness and sereneness of this, especially the final two lines.

    I always love finding my old writing too. Ironically, I wrote a poem when I was 15 that was one of the most heartfelt works I’ve ever written. It’s long lost now but I still remember some of it. Do you remember what you felt while writing this?

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    1. Thank you very much! I agree that the poem needs to be updated and changed, but I’ll keep this poem for now!

      And most of my work is from the past 2 or so years, which is interesting to go back and look at. I don’t actually remember writing this at all, so I don’t know how I felt while writing it. However, I’m glad that I saved it! xxoo

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  5. That is a beautiful poem. I like the spirit of young female flying over each line, it is so pure and innocent, like white silk over a teenage bed

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